Light

The light is finally at the end of the tunnel. My divorce was final Dec 6th! Things were still a little rocky after that but I think the pain and hurt for both of us has lifted and we are getting along better then ever, maybe even better then when we were married. ;) I am taking everyday one day at a time and life seems to be looking up. I get the chance to stay home with my boys for a few months before them and I go back to school this August! Super excited to start Cosmetology school. I have been dating this amazing guy and he makes me so happy! Life is good and there isn't anything more I could even ask for!

Its Not Over!

My divorce isn't final like I thought! Lots of confusing details and drama from my ex that I would rather not go into! My boss described it best when he said its like you saw the light at the end of the tunnel only to find out that its a freight train! It hit me hard on Monday when I got the news my ex wants to drag this out and fight more! So I guess only time will tell whats to come from this! If all goes well I am looking at it being over in 8 days or less and worst case I might be going to court this spring and who knows from there!!! Just trying to stay positive at this point!
Just to make things worse my Tahoe had issues and cost a small fortune to fix. Just another thing wrong! I am making it through anyways with the help of some really great friends and family!

I had pictures done of the boys and I! They were so good for the photographer and she was amazing to work with! I loved how the pictures of the boys turned out.

Love this one!

Lost

So my boys have now been gone for 4 days and 4 nights to their dads house! I feel so lost with out them. I think Thursday and Friday were the hardest getting ready for the day and then going to walk out the door for work. That feeling that you are forgetting something and not sure what it is stuck with me all day. I am sure it was the fact of not getting Weston on the bus for school and taking JW to daycare on my way to work. Today the house is to quite and I am feeling a little more alone. Today in sacrament as I sat there all alone, one of the speakers talked about marriage and all I could feel is sadness for where my life is at. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't go back and change my choices. I just feel lost, I dont have any idea of what the future holds for me and that just seems a little scary right now. At least when my boys get home tonight I will have a little more direction.

Pumkins

Today we went to the Red Barn took a ride on the wagon down to the pumkin patch and picked out pumkins for my boys! It was very cold but the boys loved it.

Weston had so much fun running from pumkin to pumkin trying to find the perfect one!

JW had a harder time finding the right pumkin but he had tons of fun.

Its Finished

Thursday was a bitter sweet day for me and  an end to a long journey. Brian and I finally settled our divorce through mediation. It went better then expected and we worked through everything for the first time in 6 months with out wanting to kill each other. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted and I was happier then I had been in months! At the same time its a little hard to swallow that  11 years of my life more less has ended. Brian and I dated for 2 years and married for 9. We have 2 amazing little boys from our marriage and for that I would never take back any choice I ever made to be with him. I would take the heartache, pain and lack of self worth over and over again just to have my two  boys. I have learned through this that I am stronger then I ever gave myself credit for. My biggest fear through this trial has been losing myself and my integrity. The best qualities that I have to offer are my honesty, compassion and love for others. I have never hated anyone in my life and I have come to a point with him that I hate him for what he has done to me and to my boys. Forgiveness has always been such an easy thing for me and I pray that I will find that again. At the beginning I feared I would lose these qualities and I have come so close to it a few times. I am happy that I have come away from this with out losing the person I am and I hope gaining knowledge to become a better person from this point forward. I am ready to move forward as a single mom and give my boys a better life. I will not ever settle for anything until they are happy and have a full life. I will never look back. I know the choices I have made have been hard but  they are the right ones.
For whatever unknown reason the lord has given me many difficult trials in my life that I am unsure how I ever made it through but I am grateful to him for every one of them since this has created the person I am and I would not change it for anything.
I love the lord and all he does for me. I know that he is there to help me through anything I just need to ask and live worthy to receive his blessings.