Thursday was a bitter sweet day for me and an end to a long journey. Brian and I finally settled our divorce through mediation. It went better then expected and we worked through everything for the first time in 6 months with out wanting to kill each other. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted and I was happier then I had been in months! At the same time its a little hard to swallow that 11 years of my life more less has ended. Brian and I dated for 2 years and married for 9. We have 2 amazing little boys from our marriage and for that I would never take back any choice I ever made to be with him. I would take the heartache, pain and lack of self worth over and over again just to have my two boys. I have learned through this that I am stronger then I ever gave myself credit for. My biggest fear through this trial has been losing myself and my integrity. The best qualities that I have to offer are my honesty, compassion and love for others. I have never hated anyone in my life and I have come to a point with him that I hate him for what he has done to me and to my boys. Forgiveness has always been such an easy thing for me and I pray that I will find that again. At the beginning I feared I would lose these qualities and I have come so close to it a few times. I am happy that I have come away from this with out losing the person I am and I hope gaining knowledge to become a better person from this point forward. I am ready to move forward as a single mom and give my boys a better life. I will not ever settle for anything until they are happy and have a full life. I will never look back. I know the choices I have made have been hard but they are the right ones.
For whatever unknown reason the lord has given me many difficult trials in my life that I am unsure how I ever made it through but I am grateful to him for every one of them since this has created the person I am and I would not change it for anything.
I love the lord and all he does for me. I know that he is there to help me through anything I just need to ask and live worthy to receive his blessings.
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